Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Raising boys....the fine line

So, for my first actual little blog, I wanted to start with something I've been thinking about a lot lately. It has to do with the fine line it's easy to cross when raising a boy. The past couple months, Carter has started hitting and kicking, which is only natural for a little boy. The past few weeks, he has it under control 75% of the time. We've taught him to "apologize" by touching nice and that when he hits, we don't want to be next to him (boy, that sounds so mean writing it). So, if he hits me, I tell him "No, that's not nice" and if he does it again, I tell him I won't sit by him if he's going to hit me and walk away. Then, he usually starts crying and runs after me a few seconds later saying, "Mama" and then "pets" me and hugs me. This has worked quite nicely for controlling these little boy "surges" he gets.
Anyway, I've been wondering if he hits out of nowhere because he wants to wrestle. I'm all for wrestling, but not being mean and trying to hit and kick (especially other children). So, I've also been hoping I'm not surpressing his manhood by not letting him be physical like that...it's a total inner battle, people!!! But, I'm satisified he's a tough little boy by watching him play outside and falling in the dirt, wrestling with him (not right after he hits of course), etc. BUT...Here's the kicker! I've noticed with a lot people that we're associated with a common "belief", if you will, about raising a boy. A lot of people seem to think that if one is a little boy, it gives them a license to hit, kick, whatever and be kind of a bully! They always use the excuse, "He's a boy!" Well, I'm sorry people, but I just don't share this same belief! A boy should be tough and get dirty and be able to stick up for himself...believe you me! I'm tougher on this little one than his dad a lot of times! But just because he's a boy doesn't give him a ticket to be mean or be a hitting, pushing bully to other children, or to anyone! Not even his dad...
Thanks for letting me go on my little soapbox...I'm just trying to raise a little, upstanding individual who will one day go on a mission, be a respectful, compassionate man who will love his wife and children. I don't believe being a bully fits any of those qualities...right? Man, I feel like Carter's growing up so much and he's such a little sponge...he absorbs everything and I hope we are teaching him the right things...just like all the other parents out there!


Robert & Cathy said...

You know what, I had the same problems with Axel and...boy am I not looking forward to the excitement that comes with the next challenges of the other lil' one...but just to reassure you it was the same way with him. I didn't let him hit Rob or me. He threw his fits and got all butt hurt about it but he learned after a few months that it wasn't cool. The hitting has started up again with Axel just cause he wrestles all the time with his dad but he is older now and understands what we taught him at that young age and knows it isn't right...so no worries !!! He will get it...it just takes patience and persistence.

Amber Joy said...

I am where you are at on the whole standard of "violence". I don't think it is exceptable on any level or in any circumstance. I don't even like Colton to "play hit" when wrestling (I don't even like him to wrestle, but that is pretty much out of my control because Sean thinks it's fun as does his older cousin). But, if I see any kind of hitting, hard pushing, or kicking, that's when it stops. If he's not play wrestling with Daddy or older kids (which is really rare--thankgoodness) I don't allow any from of roughness or violence. He has a tendency to exert a lot of force on other kids because of his big size, like when he hugs or just plays normally, so I have to be careful about that. He doesn't mean to hurt anyone and just needs to learn to control his strength I guess, which as he gets older is easier for him to do. I figure boys will have plenty of time when they are older to let their inner "manliness" come out, but it's just not going to happen while I'm around. I think there is nothing wrong with a sweet boy :)